Consequently, the unexpected “time out” was the gift that came later. Of course, initially I didn’t think of it as a gift. I was a little frustrated with myself that I didn’t call to ensure the General’s car was ready before I returned the loaner. I just assumed the car would be ready. It wasn’t.
So, what do you do when you have unexpected time on your hands? Did I mention one of my spiritual gifts is pouting? The problem is pouting doesn’t produce a sense of contentment. Actually, I can’t think of many positives that come one’s way when focusing on one’s displeasure. It is not a good use of time and it seldom reaps benefits.
As I sat in the crowded waiting room at the dealership, I remembered back a couple of weeks to the last time I spent the day in a waiting room. I went to the hospital to provide support for a friend who was scheduled for surgery. In the process, I had an opportunity to meet and share time with her extended family. They proved to be incredibly personable and kind people. Consequently, my life was enriched from the time shared.
That thought led to a myriad of other memories associated to hospital rooms and death bed vigils I’ve been privileged to be included in across the years. I have been gifted with those experiences. My being there is never with the sense of an obligatory duty as pastor. I am there because I’ve been privileged to share in a relationship that feels more like one of an extended family member. Do you have any idea how incredibly unusual and precious that experience has proved to be in my own journey?
Recently, I was privileged to sit at the bedside with a friend along with his wife when he breathed his last breath and went to be with the Lord. It was the most precious of moments. The immediate sense of peace and light that filled the room was clearly a sign from above. I don’t have the words to describe it, but my being there to witness it was a privilege that fills me with gratitude.
Today is the last day of November. Can that really be right? What happens to the time? It seems to go by so quickly. First there is Thanksgiving and then there is Christmas and then the year changes and starts all over. November and December are tough months for a lot of people. Recently a friend posted on Facebook that for eighteen consecutive years she never shared either of those holidays with her children. She didn’t provide the details associated to those child custody arrangements, but the thought hurt my heart.
Interestingly, children of divorce seldom get a voice in how and where they spend their holidays. In recent years, the concept of shared custody of children has made it somewhat easier for kids, but it is always a balancing act. It is hard to be married, but it is even more difficult not to be married when you share children with a former husband or wife. I once offered some sound advice to a loved one. She was only fifteen or sixteen years old at the time. I was in a hospital waiting room along with she and her mother and the mother’s former husband and his family.
Case in point, the advice I gave was this: “Be careful of who you choose to have children with because they will always be in your life.” Of course, life doesn't have to be as difficult as we sometimes make it. Choosing to love people unconditionally is the key that eradicates disappointment and ensures you are always in control. Why let the perceived lack of respect or thoughtless sensitivity of another disrupt your sense of joy? That is giving the other person why too much control.
When your job is simply to love people, you reap the benefit. They may as well, but the primary recipient of the sense of peace is the one demonstrating the unconditional love. Anticipating or expecting folks to be loving when they’ve spent a lifetime trapped in family fighting and unrest is setting oneself up for disappointment. Miserable people become so accustomed to being miserable that they seemingly have no alternative. Misery may like company, but you owe it to yourself to steer clear of that venue.
The bottom line is this, almost always every extended family has at least one person for whom extra grace is required. Expecting them to earn it is setting yourself up to play their game. Playing the game with a person whose automatic default is, “It is all about me” is never a WIN/WIN. Why not just cut to the chase and choose to be loving? Please hear me say this: “The decision to always be loving changes you”.
All My Best!
Don