I am not joking when I tell folks that I married way above my pay group. I endearingly have the highest level of respect and admiration related to how selflessly she serves as a cheerleader and encourager. That is true with our children, our grandchildren, their dogs, her mother and siblings and at times even me.
Sometimes the level of structure and organization she attempts to add to my world seems unnecessary and excessive. I have learned to manage that by simply evaluating the recommendations and ultimately choosing to do it within the framework of what works best for my comfort level. That is particularly true in my work setting. She has been known to make suggestions related to ways to improve my management style. At some level she is more of an authoritarian leader than authoritative manager. Consequently, her suggested approach is not always a good fit for my preferred style. When we have that kind of scenario, I choose to do it my way.
In fact, across the years, she has expressed on more than one occasion that if by chance, I precede her in death, the epitaph on my tombstone will be, “He did it his way.” A couple of years ago, I made an query on Facebook asking my friends what they feared most. What I discovered is that most of my friends weren’t afraid of anything because they did not respond to my query. Those who responded universally said that they feared their spouse would die before they did. I was shocked. The topic didn’t even seem age appropriate to consider.
The more I thought about it, I realized that would become a problem for me. Without Treva, I couldn’t even drive the car. Who would tell me to slow down, get in the right lane, turn here, etc. It would be a dilemma.
Fortunately, if I get a vote, I’ll precede her in death. If she gets a vote, my death will be work related and accidental.
I can truthfully say that Treva is consistently a source of encouragement to me. At times, I am overly sensitive to perceived negativity. My intuitive emotional default is “I should have done it differently,” if there is ever objection or criticism related to any number of things for which I have responsibility. She counters that with encouragement and support. Wow! I am a lucky man!
I was a little surprised at the end of 2013 when Treva opted to leave her place of employment. For the vast majority of our married life together, she worked because the lifestyle and costs associated with living worked best with a two family income. In more recent years, I thought her continued employment had more to do with her organizational skills, challenges associated with work that she wanted to conquer and enjoyment of shared time with peers in the work place that fueled the desire to continue forward.
About five years ago she complained about the pressure and work related demands. Reportedly, she hated driving in Austin traffic and she had the sense that she didn’t have enough time to get everything accomplished that she wanted to complete. I think she was surprised when I suggested she could quit work if she wanted. We’d make it just fine.
Interestingly, when Treva recognized she didn’t have to work, she found a lot more things enjoyable about her work. How’s that for using psychology? Truthfully, it came as a surprise to me as well. In looking back, I’m not sure how she has managed everything all those years. Her energy level and stamina is obviously higher than mine. She worked full time and managed everything else.
The early retirement was a good decision. She hit the ground running and has not looked back. She has filled her day and evenings with activities she really wants to do and seems even younger and more energetic than ever before. All is good!
All My Best!