I read the book shortly after my friend described it as a must read. My takeaway from the book is that women don’t want men to solve their problems. They simply want men to be empathic and provide emotional support by listening without offering solutions. Men aren’t that interested in talking about a problem, they’d prefer land on a solution and be done with it.
Of course, I recognize that it has been a long time since I read the book. I remember thinking it was a thoughtful read, but the takeaway didn’t alter my understanding or misunderstanding of the General. See if this makes sense to you: “We mostly agree while recognizing you don’t have to bat a thousand for marriage to work”.
By the way, the General isn’t shy in offering me advice. She has solutions for problems that I don’t even recognize I have. I tend to zone out when she’s offering unsolicited advice or addressing problems I’m more comfortable ignoring. Of course, I’m older than she is and I’ve lived long enough to accept the reality that not everyone thinks the way I think.
Yesterday, as we were hurriedly doing the finishing touches on getting the kitchen ready for demolition, she was busying herself cleaning the stove top. I actually was somewhat amazed. She was disassembling burners and cleaning in places I’ve never seen before. I think the General predates, Mr. Clean. You remember Mr. Clean, don’t you? He is the muscled guy with the bald head that has a knack for cleaning.
I don’t think the General finds it particularly bothersome that I don’t have six-pack abs or bulging muscles, but she does sometimes envision me with a wet sponge in my hand cleaning something. I think it is lecture series “5#X@#45” that begins with the phrase: You used to be neat…”. The truth of the matter is this: “Only secure men use a Swiffer.” I have a tendency to zone out when I hear the words: “You used to…”
The primary task for yesterday was the need to remove the vent-a-hood under the cabinet above the stove top. I went to YouTube (the show me because I don’t know how section) to see what I could ascertain. It didn’t help.
I’m not the sharpest Crayola in the box – after all you are limited to one per household and we both know the General is colorfully smart (oops, I meant sharp). That leaves me dull and dumber than dirt. If you don’t believe me, you can ask the General.
Without finding the answers I needed on You Tube, I grabbed my facemask and headed to the appliance store. We bought the original vent-a-hood from them along with all of our appliances when the house was built and we’re spending a bundle for this next appliance replacement package. Why not ask them?
I’m not sure I left the appliance store with a lot more confidence than I had before I arrived, but we were running out of time. The kind guy I talked with in the service department, suggested it wasn’t too difficult “if you knew what you were doing”. He also suggested it be a two-person job.
Actually, it wasn’t at all what I envisioned and proved to be a lot easier than I expected. Of course, you had to hold your mouth just right and somehow remove a metal plate that was hiding the electrical wiring connection.
I awakened at three o’clock this morning with a sense of panic. The General provided me a Zip-lock bag to put the screws in that I removed from the vent-a-hood. I told her there were only two. I awakened this morning with the realization that there were actually three screws. What did I do with the other one? It is important to know because after the backsplash is replaced, the vent-a-hood goes back up.
With the vent-a-hood removed, the General was ready for us to totally remove the range-top. She was assured that we had the skill set to disconnect the electrical connection from that as well. She was on a roll.
Not wanting to dissuade her enthusiasm, I said with a soft voice: “We are not doing that!” I’m not sure how I pulled it off, but she was accepting of the fact that we were done. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suggesting that we were done with the marriage, but we were done with everything we were going to do before the demolition crew arrives this morning.
That brings me back to my final thought from yesterday’s blog: “Figure out what’s worth fighting for and stick to your guns. Let everything else go.”
All My Best!
Don