It is interesting that many people resolve to make changes in their physical appearance. If I had the capability to stick with it, I’d be right there with them. In a perfect world, I’d still have salt and pepper colored hair. Its not that I mind the salt but the added pepper takes 35-years off my appearance. If you need a visual, think about the contrast between the Dos Equis’ Man who has the reputation for being the most interesting man in the world and Colonel Sanders who is known for fried chicken. Both are readily known in the world of advertising. Somehow, I think most people would prefer the adventure associated with the Dos Equis’ guy than the fried chicken guru. I am right there with them.
This past year has been a year of change for me. Instead of going 90 mph 24/7, I’m fairly content to stay-at-home more than be gone from home. After having spent a career track driving through Austin traffic, I’d almost rather have a root canal work at the dentist than drive into Austin.
For one thing, it is dangerous. Tuesday the General and I drove into Austin. Okay, so as we approached the intersection of HWY 290 and William Cannon, it was our intent to go through the intersection and stay on HWY 290. Instead of being red or green, the yellow arrows were pointing straight ahead. I intuitively stepped on the brakes to stop. The General (God Love Her) authoritatively told me not to stop and then added: "What are you doing!?" I didn’t question her directive. After all, she knows everything. Okay, so instead of stopping, I gunned it and we went through the intersection. However, I did notice the traffic light turning red just as we entered the intersection. What was she thinking? Better yet, what was I thinking???
Okay, so in her defense or perhaps my defense, things were simpler when a round green traffic light meant go and a round red traffic light meant stop. The yellow round traffic light was a cautionary warning to stop if you could safely stop. At that same intersection, if you are turning left on William Cannon, the traffic light is a yellow blinking arrow pointing to the left. Green isn’t one of the options. No wonder the General was confused. My commute anywhere is a lot easier when the General isn’t riding shotgun with me.
That gets me back to the contrast in appearances between the Dos Equis’ man and Colonel Sanders. If either was driving and I was a passenger in the vehicle, I’d prefer to ride with the Dos Equis’ man. I say that knowing of course, if given a choice, I’d prefer the product advertised by Colonel Sanders over the one advertised by the Dos Equis’ guy. It is said of the Dos Equis’ an: “I don’t always drink beer. But when I do, I prefer dos Equis.” He then ads, “Stay thirsty, my friends.”
Up to this point, I can truthfully say, “I don’t drink beer”. However, if the General continues to provide undo criticism of my driving while she’s riding shotgun, she could figuratively drive me to drink Dos Equis.
If the General’s profundity related to my driving continues to be a problem, I will never succumb to her suggestion to get hearing aids. Some things are better left tuned-out. One of the other struggles related to being a stay-at-home guy rather than a on-the-go guy is knowing what to wear? The problem is determining the "stay-at-home guy look" that fits the persona I’d prefer become my signature series.
The other day I got a text message from the cleaners in Dripping Springs offering me a discount on my next dry-cleaning. Reportedly, it had been too long since I was last in. Hey, it’s nice to be missed. Of course, I realized that dry cleaning isn’t much of an incentive. The problem is the principle of paying $2.69 a shirt to get them washed and ironed. That is the discounted price with the coupon if I also take in dry cleaning.
Okay, so I’m a sucker for a sale. I guess it had been a while since I emptied my laundry basket. I had one pair of slacks dry cleaned and enough shirts ironed to push the cost near $90.00. So where do I wear a freshly ironed shirt. Do I wear one for everyday?
So, last week a person stopped by the house. Out of curiosity, the person asked why I was wearing a dress shirt for everyday. I started to respond, it is because I don’t have six pack abs, but thought the lady might think I was strange. A couple of days later, the General asked me the same thing. So what am I supposed to wear?
That was a rhetorical question. I didn’t need the General to tell me what to wear any more than I need the General to tell me how to drive. What I find perplexing is the inconsistencies in her messaging. The next day, I was dressed for anything other than success, but the look was okay. Then General said that we needed to go to Home Depot to get light bulbs. I took that as a mandate for me to get in the car. Of course, just as you might suspect, it was the expectation that I drive. The General looked at me and asked: “Are you going to wear that?” It was a stupid question, but it wasn’t as stupid as the question I then asked. I asked: “What’s wrong with the way I look?” She responded: “You look like a homeless person.”
What was I supposed to do with that? On top of that, I knew full well that we’d see someone in Home Depot that we knew. You can’t go anywhere in Drippin’ without seeing people you know.
Okay, so I’m in a quandary. The only New Year’s resolution that I consistently make is to create memories with my grandchildren. Of course, I’d prefer for them not to think of me as looking like a homeless person. However, I do tell them often that it is okay to say “Granddad is crazy” as long as they link that with “…and fun.” Crazy by itself won’t do it. They are coming today for the weekend and I can’t wait.
All My Best!
Don